Santa Who?

We did a very unpopular thing right before Christmas. The week before actually. I had been going back and forth for weeks about Santa. Adults know he's not real, but parents get joy out of lying to their children about his existence. Well, not me. I felt guilty every time the kids talked about this magically man. Finally I couldn't take it. 

"Guys, we have to talk to you about something very important. Mommy and Daddy don't want to lie to you about anything. So we have to tell you something. Santa isn't really. We put your presents out. We buy them and set them up."

One child cried in disbelief. Two looked at me as though they never thought some fat, jolly stranger came into our house. And one, well, he told me he still believed (it took days of explaining to convince him Santa just isn't real). After that, everything else came out.

No tooth fairy either. Mommy sneaks in for your tooth. 

No Easter Bunny, though we never did that. 

No, not even Jack Frost is real (thank you Rise Of The Guardians)

We are a magic free house now...not really. We are an honest house. We realize that our choice is unpopular and many of our friends still do those things, but we feel good about our choice. We are honest about life with our kids. Dogs don't go to heaven people. And my kids will tell you so. They told the cashier the day after Christmas that Santa isn't real and Saint Nicholas is dead. They told the dentist and dental assistant the tooth fairy isn't real and that lying to kids about it is bad. At least my kids are honest. 

I have been worried about them telling other kids that's those "mythical beings" aren't real. I had a friend tell me that she would be upset if my kids told hers. Well, if you want to carry that on, then you better get ready because someone is going to tell them some day. All we can do is tell them that some people carry on this story of Santa (I told them parents just don't want to wrap those presents, which was rather satisfying for them). So far, it's been ok, other than the cashier and the family behind us.

Santa isn't real. The Easter Bunny is a myth. Tooth fairy, not sure why we pay our kids for normal life processes. Jack Frost, a great story and fun character, but no sir. Our house, is not fun any more. Just ask the kids who live here.

On Motherhood/Parenthood Debating: Breastfeeding

I believe the breastfeeding is best. I have breastfed all of my children for various lengths of time. My first was only weeks (which is hard when your child is in the NICU and PICU). My second was about 2 months (after which I developed a kidney infection that stopped me in my tracks). My third I pumped for because she had latching issues, but I did so for 10 months. My fourth child nursed for 19 months. Now, my fifth, who just turned a year, continues to nurse. I will probably nurse him as long as he wants, even if it is years.

My journey started nearly 7 years ago. I wanted to breastfeed, I was planning on it. However, my son was born with several heart defects that required surgery. I pumped faithfully around the clock while he was in the NICU and PICU for three weeks. After he returned home, I couldn't handle it. I tried nursing but he had been on the bottle too long and I was a new mom. I had no idea what to do. So, I dried up from lack of pumping and nursing and he was formula fed for 14 more months. He did fine and continues to do well.

The second time around I knew I would breastfeed. I was eager to and I did for the first 8 weeks. My husband was deployed when I had my son. It wasn't a big deal to me. When he came home on R&R, I ended up in the ER for a kidney infection. I had been fighting it for weeks at that point and it was finally time for some stronger antibiotics. I stopped nursing. I just couldn't handle the pumping and dumping, the feverishness, and the stress of R&R all at the same time. So, two months of nursing and pumping was enough.

The birth of our first daughter, I thought it might be our last child, so I was committed to nursing. I left the terrible Army hospital I had my c-section in without any help or advise for breastfeeding despite asking for it. So, when she wouldn't latch, I was without help or direction. I bought a $400 pump and pumped for 10 months. My nipples cracking and bleeding were the only reason I stopped. That day, I felt like a failure. I wanted to make it a year. It was time to stop though and my body was thankful.

My first successful nursing experience was with our second daughter, and fourth child. I had her at a civilian hospital about an hour from our home. They had two full-time lactation consultants, one worked a rotating shift which meant she worked some nights. The first night there, she was with me for most of the night. After that night, we got it. My daughter nursed for 19 months. That was one month before my son was born. I had been hoping she would nurse after my son was born because I had heard it would help us continue to bond after his birth. That didn't happen, but I am eternally thankful for the time she nursed.

My youngest is still nursing at 14 months old. It has been so easy from day one. I had 21 days of no nursing between my daughter weaning and my son's birth. I think that was a huge for my transition back to nursing. It was so easy. He latched and we were off. It's been an amazing adventure ever since.

We are currently struggling through sickness at home and my son's nursing is driving me crazy. He wants to nurse all the time and I don't have time for that right now. He wants to nurse all day...everyday. I am committed though

Adding a Topic Near and Dear to Me

Hello Online World!

Isn't this new hair A-Mazing!

It's been awhile, but that's because life got hard. We are financially struggling because of mistakes the military has made with my husband's pay. No money means Mommy has to figure out how to make and save money all at the same time. Stresses, I tell you! We are expecting baby number 6. Combine that with the first stress and we are just being forced to trust God with everything in our lives right now. What else? I have to declare my intent to homeschool in February for my oldest son. I don't know why that's stressful, but it is. 

My kids are all excellent. Learning to read and write in their own time, but being pushed ever so slightly by Mommy. They are learning about money and the tough parts of growing up poor (no money for playing hockey this year, which is fine since the association is run by a bunch a rich shit for brains who only care about their kids and completely neglect the youngest kids...no, I'm not bitter). We are busy planning a major garden this summer, debating chickens, and painting the walls so they are a more neutral color. My kids are enjoying life as kids and learning a lot about life every day.

Now, this new topic. Well, one Jes Baker over at The Militant Baker has been inspiring me for some time. You see, she's all about body love and acceptance. It's infectious really. I heard all my life about getting fat or being fat. It was all bad and negative. From early in my parenting journey, I decided I would never frame any body type as bad or ugly. It's been difficult as my husband has the mindset of "fat is bad". The kids hear it every now and then, but overall, my kids are very accepting of everyone they encounter, no matter how they look. One of my daughters told me when she grows up, she wants to be fat because that's how mommy's are. Melts my heart! I present myself as perfect the way I am. I talk positively about my body, my husband's body, my kids' bodies, and other people's bodies. I give every person value beyond their bodies of course as we are more than a body, but our body imagine impacts how we interact with the world. 

Body Love...it's coming. It's important. It's life changing. It's world changing. I want to share my journey and experiences with you. See, I have a history and some people in my family who tell me every time I turn around that I am simply not good enough. However, a few months ago, I decided I can love them and have them in my life even if they don't see just how fabulous I am. I am 200 pounds of baby carrying, baby birthing awesomeness who is the way I am because of my fabulous fertility. I am squishy and warm when my kids need comfort and love. I am strong and sturdy when my kids need safety and strength. I am always there when my kids need their Mama and that's the most important thing to me. They ask if I'll get skinny again, but when I explain that I probably won't, they tell me that's okay. Some people are fat and some people are skinny. But, they always tell me I'm beautiful (something their Daddy has done super right!). I am FAT! That's okay. If you don't like it, don't look. I know others look because I hear them talking as I walk past in my A-line skirts that hugs my beautiful booty. It's okay even if they don't look. My husband notices. He likes it. 

Where Have I Been>

In short, I've been raising 5 kids, homeschooling the oldest 3, spending time with my husband, and trying to clean in my spare time. I've been busy. Where have you been? What have you been up to?

Having 5 children has been such a blessing and a challenge. It's not harder than having 4, but it presents new challenges because the older kids are entering different stages and need different attention. We have adjusted and are getting back to normal. They youngest of the group is almost 10 months old now. He's growing like crazy and changing all the time. He still loves to cuddle and nurse, but has learned how to scale the staircases, crawl around everywhere, pull up on everything, and how to communicate with all those around him. Ziva continues to grow and learn and change. She's 2 now and shows her personality fully. She's sassy and fun loving. She loves trucks and rough housing but also enjoys painted nails and hair clips. Keely is almost 4. She recently got her ears pierced and is so in love with them. She is my girly girl. Skirts, nail polish, earrings...those are all up her ally. Asher is 5 and is our sports guy. Running, jumping, throwing, kicking...it's all for Asher. His real loves are hockey and soccer. Zach is a sensitive heart who wants to be understood and loved. He likes art and drawing. He does enjoy sports, but not like Asher. He's really interested in music right now, so I'm looking for a piano teacher who takes young students. 

Homeschooling is a challenge. It's 90 degrees here by 10am and I have no motivation to do anything! It's horrible. The kids do their lessons but I'm not sure they are remembering it like they should be. I haven't every taught kids before so I don't really know. I guess only time will tell. 

I mainly am just busy living life. I would love to write more, but by the time the day is done, I have no time or energy to write. Honestly, I don't really care to write either. I'm tired and ready to crash by the time everything is done. To me, that means I live a full, abundant life, just what God wants me to do. I am blessed.

Our Unschooling Homeschool

I've changed so much since I had my third child. I used to believe that conventional ways of doing things was best. Some times, the only way of doing things. Now, I find that it isn't. I wear my youngsters much of their infancy. I feed my family as much unprocessed foods as possible. I focus on life rather than things and our faith more than anything else. I have also found myself changing my mindset on education and learning.

Currently, we live in a state that discourages "unschooling," as it is called. Having said that, I am an unschooling mom. I homeschool my children by encouraging them to learn about what they want to learn about. Right now, I am pushing reading. Not purely because the state will require them to read soon, but because they keep asking to learn how to read. They want to, so we are learning through play, daily life, and a little study time.

I encourage my kids to play all day long. The boys learn the most when we are playing and being active. My oldest has learned basic math skills and science "stuff" (like gravity and magnetic properties) simply by playing. I would rather learn by play. We have completely shaken off the traditional method of learning and have replaced it with a lifestyle of learning. I use every opportunity to turn simple moments or ordinary ones into learning and teaching moments. Life has become our school and the world is our classroom.

I am currently still trying to decide how I can meet my state's requirements for home instruction while sticking as much to unschooling as possible. I don't know that we can really continue it since some counties are strict about having a set curriculum and school session calendar. We are holding out hope that our children's curiosity will drive them to learn even if we have to have books and study time to meet states standards.

How about you? Are you a fellow Unschooling family? What do you do to encourage your children on their journey? How do you help them on the way? Do you have state requirements like we do? How do you meet them?

"Mommy, what are those marks on your tummy?"

Keeping it real

My sweet five year old was kissing his newest sibling good night and asked me question I've been waiting for, "Mommy, what are those marks on your tummy?"
"Those are from having so many babies. Mommy loves those marks. I love having all of you guys!"
"Those are from having so many kids?"
"Yes, Zach. They are Mommies reminders of you guys. They are special."

Battle scars. Those "marks" are battle scars. My husband once told me that as he has "grown up" in fatherhood and husband-hood, he has come to see the changes motherhood has caused to me as sacrifice. I have stretch marks everywhere. They won't fade enough for me, but that doesn't matter. They are reminders of how blessed I have been. If my husband doesn't find them gross and ugly, why should I worry.

Diabetic Mother With "Many" Children

I am a diabetic. I have been since I was 9 year old. That's 18 years. It has been a very hard thing, but I think it can also be viewed as a blessing. I struggle everyday, but the Lord is good and has blessings in this struggle, I'm sure.

I am a mother. I have been for nearly 6 years now. I have had 5 children. My first birth had to be planned to ensure the pediatric hospital that was attached to hospital I was delivering at would have the needed staff on hand. That meant a cardiologist, pediatric cardio-thorasic surgeon, and a number of other staff. I was induced and hated it. I was exhausted and threw up the entire labor and delivery process. My next three were all c-sections because #2 was breech and 11 pounds, #3 was 12 pounds, and #4 was 11 pounds again. My 5th baby was a c-section due to head size (45.2 weeks at time of delivery). :)

I recently had an online conversation with another diabetic I've been friends with for years. She has one daughter and wants to start trying for another one. Her doctors told her they would not give their blessing until her A1C is 7 or below. I had three babies with A1C numbers of 9 or over, thanks to doctors fighting for control of my diabetes. I gave her my advice and blessing, pledging my undying support for her no matter what she decided. She lacks all support except from her husband. Heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking. 

That conversation brought to my attention how blessed I truly am. I told the doctors to, basically, go screw themselves and had babies as God has seen fit. He has been so good to me and blessed me with my children. I would consider my children blessings even with birth defects. That fact alone is a gift from God. He allowed me to get diabetes, which I hate, but He has blessed me even with this disease. He took my heart and changed it to trust Him with our family size and fertility. In that step of faith, He met me and my husband and has blessed us, just because He's so good.

We are all at different places in our faith. Not everyone is at a place to trust the Lord with their family size. Not everyone is at a place to stop going to the doctor or to give up medicine (like me, I am not at the place right now and I may never be). The beautiful thing about God is that He meets us where we are. Right now, our family doesn't regularly attend church, but the Lord is always in our hearts, on our lips, and in our lives. Prayer and worship are in our daily life. The Lord understands our situation and blesses us where we are. He meets us where we are. 

My friend, I know you are not at a place to simply let go and trust God, but I pray that He will bless you as you seek Him more and trust His will, even in small ways. Small ways build up to big ways. Trusting God with one pregnancy and one babies's life has lead us to trust Him with our family size and  to five amazing babies! I pray for you daily and my heartbreaks that you are so alone in this moment. From 1200 miles away, let me hug you and love you when you need support. I only have my husband's support as well. It is tough, but you can do it. Have faith, and if you cannot, I will have faith for you. I'm praying for you!