Family Updates

It has been a few years and we have changed and grown a bit, so it's time for an update.

We now have seven children and they range from 11 to 2 years old. There are five sons and two daughters who bless each other with friendship and companionship. They learn from each other constantly and encourage each other as only siblings can. The oldest four often read to the younger three. They also teach them math through play and experience. They all play incredibly well together. Science is a passion for them all. We are constantly learning about creatures (animals), weather, and the natural world around us. They also have a good foundation for their animal knowledge due to having nearly 30 fowl on our small homestead.

As of this post, we have twenty-five chickens and four ducks. Of our chickens, four are roosters and twenty-one are laying hens. We've raised and butchered our own meat chickens, but it was a serious undertaking and they were rather stinky, so I'm not sure we'll do that again soon. It was an adventure and I am thankful for the experience. The kids also got to learn a lot through it as well. It is spring, and the ducks have been laying in a location I can't find, so we may well have ducklings in a few weeks.

We have finally found a church to attend and feel like we finally have planted roots and found friends. Our kids have also started investing in friendships and have blossomed as they have done so.

We are busy, but this season is such a blessing. We are all growing, learning, and changing. We no longer cloth diaper, but we do try to eat as "whole foods" as we can. We're working our way to a debt free lifestyle, but it is definitely a struggle at times.

Now, the answer to everyone's number question: we don't expect to have any more children, but only God knows if we will be blessed again or not.

Blogging Again?

With my life, one can never tell if I'll blog religiously or not. We now have seven children, four of whom are homeschooling. It is a busy season in life, but it is a wonderful season. I have been blogging at another blog, but I think it is time to give each a purpose and time to get things out there. I know that not very many people follow this blog, but maybe it will find someone who needs encouragements and hope for the hard days they're having. I am hoping to spend a few hours a week blogging. Maybe I can get a post up once a week? Who knows. But I will be updating here soon.

What season of life are you in? Are you busy or fairly relaxed? Are you enjoying babies, toddlers, elementary ages, middle schoolers, high schoolers? Or adult children and grandchildren? I'm looking forward to our future while we're in our season of toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary aged kids. Soon enough, we'll have a house full of teens and young adults who will be rushing off to work or church or friends...yes, this busy season is special.

May you feel blessed by the cuddles and wiping noses. May you see the blessing in the needy toddler and upset preschooler. I'm praying for you.

Adding a Topic Near and Dear to Me

Hello Online World!

Isn't this new hair A-Mazing!

It's been awhile, but that's because life got hard. We are financially struggling because of mistakes the military has made with my husband's pay. No money means Mommy has to figure out how to make and save money all at the same time. Stresses, I tell you! We are expecting baby number 6. Combine that with the first stress and we are just being forced to trust God with everything in our lives right now. What else? I have to declare my intent to homeschool in February for my oldest son. I don't know why that's stressful, but it is. 

My kids are all excellent. Learning to read and write in their own time, but being pushed ever so slightly by Mommy. They are learning about money and the tough parts of growing up poor (no money for playing hockey this year, which is fine since the association is run by a bunch a rich shit for brains who only care about their kids and completely neglect the youngest kids...no, I'm not bitter). We are busy planning a major garden this summer, debating chickens, and painting the walls so they are a more neutral color. My kids are enjoying life as kids and learning a lot about life every day.

Now, this new topic. Well, one Jes Baker over at The Militant Baker has been inspiring me for some time. You see, she's all about body love and acceptance. It's infectious really. I heard all my life about getting fat or being fat. It was all bad and negative. From early in my parenting journey, I decided I would never frame any body type as bad or ugly. It's been difficult as my husband has the mindset of "fat is bad". The kids hear it every now and then, but overall, my kids are very accepting of everyone they encounter, no matter how they look. One of my daughters told me when she grows up, she wants to be fat because that's how mommy's are. Melts my heart! I present myself as perfect the way I am. I talk positively about my body, my husband's body, my kids' bodies, and other people's bodies. I give every person value beyond their bodies of course as we are more than a body, but our body imagine impacts how we interact with the world. 

Body Love...it's coming. It's important. It's life changing. It's world changing. I want to share my journey and experiences with you. See, I have a history and some people in my family who tell me every time I turn around that I am simply not good enough. However, a few months ago, I decided I can love them and have them in my life even if they don't see just how fabulous I am. I am 200 pounds of baby carrying, baby birthing awesomeness who is the way I am because of my fabulous fertility. I am squishy and warm when my kids need comfort and love. I am strong and sturdy when my kids need safety and strength. I am always there when my kids need their Mama and that's the most important thing to me. They ask if I'll get skinny again, but when I explain that I probably won't, they tell me that's okay. Some people are fat and some people are skinny. But, they always tell me I'm beautiful (something their Daddy has done super right!). I am FAT! That's okay. If you don't like it, don't look. I know others look because I hear them talking as I walk past in my A-line skirts that hugs my beautiful booty. It's okay even if they don't look. My husband notices. He likes it. 

Where Have I Been>

In short, I've been raising 5 kids, homeschooling the oldest 3, spending time with my husband, and trying to clean in my spare time. I've been busy. Where have you been? What have you been up to?

Having 5 children has been such a blessing and a challenge. It's not harder than having 4, but it presents new challenges because the older kids are entering different stages and need different attention. We have adjusted and are getting back to normal. They youngest of the group is almost 10 months old now. He's growing like crazy and changing all the time. He still loves to cuddle and nurse, but has learned how to scale the staircases, crawl around everywhere, pull up on everything, and how to communicate with all those around him. Ziva continues to grow and learn and change. She's 2 now and shows her personality fully. She's sassy and fun loving. She loves trucks and rough housing but also enjoys painted nails and hair clips. Keely is almost 4. She recently got her ears pierced and is so in love with them. She is my girly girl. Skirts, nail polish, earrings...those are all up her ally. Asher is 5 and is our sports guy. Running, jumping, throwing, kicking...it's all for Asher. His real loves are hockey and soccer. Zach is a sensitive heart who wants to be understood and loved. He likes art and drawing. He does enjoy sports, but not like Asher. He's really interested in music right now, so I'm looking for a piano teacher who takes young students. 

Homeschooling is a challenge. It's 90 degrees here by 10am and I have no motivation to do anything! It's horrible. The kids do their lessons but I'm not sure they are remembering it like they should be. I haven't every taught kids before so I don't really know. I guess only time will tell. 

I mainly am just busy living life. I would love to write more, but by the time the day is done, I have no time or energy to write. Honestly, I don't really care to write either. I'm tired and ready to crash by the time everything is done. To me, that means I live a full, abundant life, just what God wants me to do. I am blessed.

Diabetic Mother With "Many" Children

I am a diabetic. I have been since I was 9 year old. That's 18 years. It has been a very hard thing, but I think it can also be viewed as a blessing. I struggle everyday, but the Lord is good and has blessings in this struggle, I'm sure.

I am a mother. I have been for nearly 6 years now. I have had 5 children. My first birth had to be planned to ensure the pediatric hospital that was attached to hospital I was delivering at would have the needed staff on hand. That meant a cardiologist, pediatric cardio-thorasic surgeon, and a number of other staff. I was induced and hated it. I was exhausted and threw up the entire labor and delivery process. My next three were all c-sections because #2 was breech and 11 pounds, #3 was 12 pounds, and #4 was 11 pounds again. My 5th baby was a c-section due to head size (45.2 weeks at time of delivery). :)

I recently had an online conversation with another diabetic I've been friends with for years. She has one daughter and wants to start trying for another one. Her doctors told her they would not give their blessing until her A1C is 7 or below. I had three babies with A1C numbers of 9 or over, thanks to doctors fighting for control of my diabetes. I gave her my advice and blessing, pledging my undying support for her no matter what she decided. She lacks all support except from her husband. Heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking. 

That conversation brought to my attention how blessed I truly am. I told the doctors to, basically, go screw themselves and had babies as God has seen fit. He has been so good to me and blessed me with my children. I would consider my children blessings even with birth defects. That fact alone is a gift from God. He allowed me to get diabetes, which I hate, but He has blessed me even with this disease. He took my heart and changed it to trust Him with our family size and fertility. In that step of faith, He met me and my husband and has blessed us, just because He's so good.

We are all at different places in our faith. Not everyone is at a place to trust the Lord with their family size. Not everyone is at a place to stop going to the doctor or to give up medicine (like me, I am not at the place right now and I may never be). The beautiful thing about God is that He meets us where we are. Right now, our family doesn't regularly attend church, but the Lord is always in our hearts, on our lips, and in our lives. Prayer and worship are in our daily life. The Lord understands our situation and blesses us where we are. He meets us where we are. 

My friend, I know you are not at a place to simply let go and trust God, but I pray that He will bless you as you seek Him more and trust His will, even in small ways. Small ways build up to big ways. Trusting God with one pregnancy and one babies's life has lead us to trust Him with our family size and  to five amazing babies! I pray for you daily and my heartbreaks that you are so alone in this moment. From 1200 miles away, let me hug you and love you when you need support. I only have my husband's support as well. It is tough, but you can do it. Have faith, and if you cannot, I will have faith for you. I'm praying for you!

The New Normal

I have five children now. Life is the same as it was before my fifth baby's birth. The only real difference is that I have a baby strapped to me most of the day and I am co-sleeping again and nursing all the time. I nursed Ziva (21 months old) until she was 19 months old, so I nursed almost all of my pregnancy so nursing hasn't really changed. 

Rhett -  2 Days Old

The new normal is better than I could have ever imagined. My baby nurses like a champ, sleeps like a champ as well, and is well loved by all his family. His siblings fight over who gets to hold him and who gets to watch him while Mama runs to the restroom. I sit, watching my kids, all five,  and am completely blown away by God's grace and mercy. He has blessed me more than anyone in my life ever imagine and certainly more than I could have hoped. 

Ziva, the little Mama in our house

We haven't gotten back to homeschooling yet because we've had Grandma and Gran here back to back and nothing gets done when we have family visiting. It's okay. I'm not going to waste their time with family pushing reading and math because I'm told it's more important. We see them for a short time each year. We'll just push school into the summer. 

My cooking has...suffered. We are eating a lot of processed stuff mainly because I've gotten some sweet deals on it and I need the ease of it. Slowly but surely I am getting back to our natural, unprocessed way of life. The real kickoff for that is Thanksgiving. Nothing processed will be at our meal. I cannot wait! We have Gran visiting us (my mother-in-law) and there is a huge surprise in store as well! I am so excited! I hope to have my camera out so I can share photos with you when the surprise is revealed. Did I say I'm so excited?

Daddy playing ball with the boys while Mommy heals

My husband's career has also finally seen progress. He reports to his new unit soon and will finally know what's going on with potential deployments, promotion potential, and reenlistment. After 2 years of training and 3 years of waiting, we are seeing progress! I am praising the Lord for every great thing He has blessed us with. It doesn't seem like much to people in our lives, but it's important to us.

As far as post baby life for me, it's been great. I healed fast. I feel great. I felt great about a week after. I've pushed myself faster, further, and harder after this c-section. At the same time, if I hurt, I stopped. It's been so nice and such a blessing.

Our new normal is great. It's blessed by the Lord and I haven't been this content or happy with life ever.  My husband is seeing success at work, which is a blessing for everyone. The kids are being kids and are blessing me at every turn, even in their anger, exhaustion, and fighting. God is so good to me!

Week 33-34 Update

Well, I had another OB appointment, which happened to be the same day as my growth ultrasound. It took 6 hours to get to the doctors office and home, but that's alright. My sitter was late, so it wasn't my fault. I'm just thankful I had a sitter.

It was tough news for me to hear. Baby is growing "normally", which is awesome new. However, his head is measuring 5 weeks ahead of the estimated due date they have on file (so between 3-4 weeks ahead of the due time frame I came up with). I'm worried about VBA3C anyway, but his head size doesn't make me feel any more confident.

Physically, I'm exhausted. I'm having contractions all the time. One night, I woke up in so much pain from them I grabbed my husband and forced myself to focus on breathing. They eventually went back to what they normally are, but I was rather worried for awhile. It takes a lot for me to go in. I only went in when my water broke with my last baby. I had probably been in real labor for a solid 18 hours before  making it to the hospital at 6-7cm. Who knows, if I go into labor early, I might just end up at a local hospital needing transport to my delivering hospital. Or, if God willed it, I could deliver in our garden bath tub. No big deal, right? That would be a birth story!

My kids are doing well. They are all getting excited. Even Ziva pats my tummy and says "baby" when she sees me. It's super sweet. Daddy is stressing out, but only because he's in school right now. He graduates on October 3. We're super excited...though he has to get his scores up if he hopes to make his career what he wants. He doesn't want to settle, but he's got work hard for it. I'll be editing papers last minute I'm sure. :)

My mom quit her job this week and will be driving from the Midwest to North Carolina to help me with the kids for the last 4-5 weeks I'm pregnant and until I'm healed. She sounds very excited! I need someone here in case I go into labor early as Daddy doesn't have the ability to leave work or miss work, even for a baby. Sad story, I know...not really. I had Ziva completely by myself, so I'm not concerned. Babies are born everyday without their Daddy there. Wives have babies without husbands. I've already had two births without my husband, one completely alone (after sitting in traffic for 4 hours waiting for an accident to clear, just 8 miles from the hospital).

Prayer Requests: VBA3C still...the staff at the hospital is completely against it. The ultrasound tech said they would require me to have a c-section if I came to the hospital I'm at and the OB still says he wants to do a c-section. I'm frustrated and really not sure what to do. Maybe I should write a letter of intent to VBA3C...we'll see. I'm not even sure what I would write in it. Any ideas? Pray please. Above all else, for peace. I trust the God will provide for our needs and for our situation as He always has. I just need peace and my husband needs peace.

Having It All Together

A dear friend of mine wrote me a text the other afternoon that caught me off guard. "I feel like I don't have it together." Simple. Short. Something I've heard before many times. I've also felt it many times. I'm not sure why that day was different. Having it all together? Does she think I do? What does that even look like?

My idea of a perfect mom is the woman who gets up early and makes breakfast and cleans up afterwards without complaints. She then gets everyone dressed and ready for the day, after sweeping her floor of course. Then, she sits everyone down for Bible time and/or school time. For lunch, she makes something "hot" and healthy. She can get her little ones down for naps with ease, or at least patience. She spends her afternoon either instructing her kids in their lessons or playing with them. Dinner is always planned weeks in advance and something everyone will eat. Bedtime is easy as her kids are trained to lay in bed (and stay there) until the morning. After all the kids are in bed, she gets to spend time with her husband. They get to enjoy each others company. Then she gets to bed around ten, maybe eleven.

That image I have is so far from me. I fall so short in all areas.

I think as mothers and homemakers, we feel like we need to "have it together" at all times. At. All. Times. I feel that way often, daily even. It comes from keeping up appearances. On Sundays, everyone puts on their Sunday clothes, but most importantly their Sunday faces. We smile and look happy. Greeting each other with hugs or handshakes. We make small talk and act like everything is fine. Our marriages look perfect. Our children are expected to behave. We want our clothes to reflect what we think others expect. Am I right? We are expected to have well-behaved kids. We are expected to keep a perfect home. We are expected to be beautiful all the time.

Fellow homemakers and mother, let me tell you something. When you give up those expectations, it is so freeing! I definitely do not have it together most of the time. My laundry piles up. The dishes always need doing. My room looks like it did when I was a kid, like a tornado went through it, mainly because that's where we live when I'm sick. I look like a mess most of the time in comparison to the ladies from church. Granted, we have a very different belief and understanding about what marriage is and how it should look, so I'm thankful for that lack of the "perfect wife" expectation on my husband's part (I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have a man like that).

"For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ."  Galatians 1:10

I always think about that verse when I'm considering the pressures of motherhood and marriage. Of course, those pressures are generally those I put on myself or what others expect of me (or what I think they expect of me).

Keely and Mommy over a year ago

I believe in being good stewards, however, I do not worry over my house's state all the time. For example, I haven't swept my floor since Wednesday morning. The only laundry I've done until today for the past week was the diapers, and that was only because I ran out of them (the girls woke up and only two diapers were in the closet). I haven't cooked much this week (and I was met with complaints about the rice and beans I made). However, my kids are fed and mostly clean at the end of the day. My house isn't falling apart, even though it has toys everywhere. My kids are happy, and even though my husband isn't pleased with me all the time, he's fed, clothed, and has a home that is at least functioning.

Are we supposed to "have it all together"? I don't think so. It's a perception that women have. It's almost as though it's a competition. We have this idea of what the perfect mother is. I hope that as I write and share my short comings and my willingness to admit them, that you will see that no one is perfect but that's what grace is for. That's what God is for.

What's Important

Today was a great day, until Mommy got overwhelmed.

We spent the morning with friends and the folks that are leading Backyard Bible Club.

We took naps, which one of the kidlets didn't listen so he's tired.

Then we went to the store. Everything fell apart.

Some things happened at home that had nothing to do with the kids...those things set me off.

After our completely healthy dinner of cookies and corn dogs, Mommy swept the floors and read a book to Zach. Why? Because this lady needed an attitude adjustment. Reading a store is far more important than sweeping my kitchen anyway.

Three of what really matters

I won't go into details, but I really am tired of being the only homemakers here. I'm tired of cooking and cleaning. I'm tired of planning everything and not having help. Parenting and caring for my kids isn't always easy, but I always feel fulfilled.


So, tonight, I will focus on being the best Mommy I can be. Zachary thanked my tonight for dinner. That meant the world to me since no one, and I mean no one, thanks me for feeding them unless we're hosting a meal for friends. Zachary, you are so welcome sweet boy. Thank you for eating corn dogs and cookies with your Mommy. I really enjoyed sharing in songs with you.

This Mothering Journey

I have been a mother for about 5.5 years. Sure, it doesn't sound like very long, but I've had four children in that time and am expecting our fifth in late October or early November. In those short years, I've gained a lot of mothering experience.



I've learned that there are just some times silly pictures have to be taken...ok, at our house, A LOT of times when they must be taken.

Some times, your daughter is just going to cry when you say no. It's okay, she'll learn and get over it. Other times, you will sit and cuddle her and tell her it's okay. There will always be someone who does it better, faster, more patiently, has a cleaner house, a better car/van, more kids, better behaved kids...the list goes on forever. 

One day you'll wake up and they're eighteen...or four.

The number one thing I've learned is that we are all at different points on our mothering journey. I have several friends with one or two children who are the same age as some of my kids (I'm not friends with anyone with more than two children). It's hard for them to imagine having more than what they have because they struggle so much with one or two. Many don't take me up on offers to help them because I have four and it must be so difficult.

Some times, it's worth letting her mop the drive in the rain

We are all at different points in mothering. At this point in my life, it isn't as hard as many think it is. In fact, I think this point is easier than it was when I had two. Yes, there is always something I could clean, a fight to break up, an owie to fix, a baby to nurse, a meal to fix, a basket of laundry, or something else to do, but that's how life is. It won't be like this for long so I'm going to love the busy-ness and loudness of it all.

Take heart, overwhelmed mother! While you feel overwhelmed, it is only a short time. It's okay to ask for help and take advantage when others offer. It's hard when you're in the trenches. It's hard when everyone is telling you how they parent or stare when you're three year old throws a tantrum in the store, but you are the parent and you are doing the best you can. It's okay to lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minute, if everyone is safe, or to go cry in your room. Your kids will be fine. 

That is me, sleeping, holding our youngest daughter when she was a couple weeks old.
After putting Keely to bed, we fell asleep on the living room furniture while Daddy was playing softball.
Overwhelmed? That doesn't even start to tell you what I was. :)