Family Updates

It has been a few years and we have changed and grown a bit, so it's time for an update.

We now have seven children and they range from 11 to 2 years old. There are five sons and two daughters who bless each other with friendship and companionship. They learn from each other constantly and encourage each other as only siblings can. The oldest four often read to the younger three. They also teach them math through play and experience. They all play incredibly well together. Science is a passion for them all. We are constantly learning about creatures (animals), weather, and the natural world around us. They also have a good foundation for their animal knowledge due to having nearly 30 fowl on our small homestead.

As of this post, we have twenty-five chickens and four ducks. Of our chickens, four are roosters and twenty-one are laying hens. We've raised and butchered our own meat chickens, but it was a serious undertaking and they were rather stinky, so I'm not sure we'll do that again soon. It was an adventure and I am thankful for the experience. The kids also got to learn a lot through it as well. It is spring, and the ducks have been laying in a location I can't find, so we may well have ducklings in a few weeks.

We have finally found a church to attend and feel like we finally have planted roots and found friends. Our kids have also started investing in friendships and have blossomed as they have done so.

We are busy, but this season is such a blessing. We are all growing, learning, and changing. We no longer cloth diaper, but we do try to eat as "whole foods" as we can. We're working our way to a debt free lifestyle, but it is definitely a struggle at times.

Now, the answer to everyone's number question: we don't expect to have any more children, but only God knows if we will be blessed again or not.

Blogging Again?

With my life, one can never tell if I'll blog religiously or not. We now have seven children, four of whom are homeschooling. It is a busy season in life, but it is a wonderful season. I have been blogging at another blog, but I think it is time to give each a purpose and time to get things out there. I know that not very many people follow this blog, but maybe it will find someone who needs encouragements and hope for the hard days they're having. I am hoping to spend a few hours a week blogging. Maybe I can get a post up once a week? Who knows. But I will be updating here soon.

What season of life are you in? Are you busy or fairly relaxed? Are you enjoying babies, toddlers, elementary ages, middle schoolers, high schoolers? Or adult children and grandchildren? I'm looking forward to our future while we're in our season of toddlers, preschoolers, and elementary aged kids. Soon enough, we'll have a house full of teens and young adults who will be rushing off to work or church or friends...yes, this busy season is special.

May you feel blessed by the cuddles and wiping noses. May you see the blessing in the needy toddler and upset preschooler. I'm praying for you.

Homeschooling Without Curriculum

For those who know me, I homeschool. That's not new. I also "unschool". We live of life of learning. For math, I have started using worksheets so I can assess where my boys are for their testing this summer. For the rest of it, we read or discuss or research as a family right on the spot. Want to know about the weather, drop what you're doing and lets go learn. That storm isn't too bad. Tell me what you see as we stand outside in the pea-size hail (nothing too dangerous though). Those bugs, yeah. Let's look that up. Oh, you're bleeding...ok, yeah, I can explain why your blood is read. Little questions become study opportunities if you let them.

Yesterday, I was sharing with my mom about how we watch "Pocahontas", the Disney one. The kids asked why the Indians and the "pirates" were so angry with each other. Side notes: First, we discussed who the pirates were. Second, I am not offended by being called an Indian and I'm pretty sure neither is my father, nor was my grandma or her mother. Back to the story at hand...my mom asked if I write down what we learn about every day. What? Why had that never occurred to me? We learn all day every day. I never thought to document it. If the school district wanted to see what my kids know, they'd have to sit and quiz them about everything from blood, the Indians, to chickens, to potatoes, to boogers, to diabetes, to guitars, to volcanoes...they would be here all day!

Why don't I document our discussions? It never occurred to me! Why not? Simple! Because it's our life. We discuss everything. I'm not shy about anything. My kids saw something about how male seahorses "give birth" to the babies. They asked if they have the babies how human mommies do (we've discussed those things and honestly, it was totally normal. We aren't afraid to discuss sex with our kids at age appropriate levels at our house. Maybe I should blog about that?). That led to research with everyone around the laptop watching a seahorse birth and discussing how fish lay eggs typically and they get fertilized. Just a normal day at our house.

I do write my own curriculum, but it's not really written. It's just life. If you have a question, let's look it up. We do sit for reading time and math time. We have to work on those as they are fighting me on those things. Science, social studies...those things? That's life! I think if more families lived their lives teaching their kids how to learn instead of focusing on just learning stuff for tests, we might be better off.

Santa Who?

We did a very unpopular thing right before Christmas. The week before actually. I had been going back and forth for weeks about Santa. Adults know he's not real, but parents get joy out of lying to their children about his existence. Well, not me. I felt guilty every time the kids talked about this magically man. Finally I couldn't take it. 

"Guys, we have to talk to you about something very important. Mommy and Daddy don't want to lie to you about anything. So we have to tell you something. Santa isn't really. We put your presents out. We buy them and set them up."

One child cried in disbelief. Two looked at me as though they never thought some fat, jolly stranger came into our house. And one, well, he told me he still believed (it took days of explaining to convince him Santa just isn't real). After that, everything else came out.

No tooth fairy either. Mommy sneaks in for your tooth. 

No Easter Bunny, though we never did that. 

No, not even Jack Frost is real (thank you Rise Of The Guardians)

We are a magic free house now...not really. We are an honest house. We realize that our choice is unpopular and many of our friends still do those things, but we feel good about our choice. We are honest about life with our kids. Dogs don't go to heaven people. And my kids will tell you so. They told the cashier the day after Christmas that Santa isn't real and Saint Nicholas is dead. They told the dentist and dental assistant the tooth fairy isn't real and that lying to kids about it is bad. At least my kids are honest. 

I have been worried about them telling other kids that's those "mythical beings" aren't real. I had a friend tell me that she would be upset if my kids told hers. Well, if you want to carry that on, then you better get ready because someone is going to tell them some day. All we can do is tell them that some people carry on this story of Santa (I told them parents just don't want to wrap those presents, which was rather satisfying for them). So far, it's been ok, other than the cashier and the family behind us.

Santa isn't real. The Easter Bunny is a myth. Tooth fairy, not sure why we pay our kids for normal life processes. Jack Frost, a great story and fun character, but no sir. Our house, is not fun any more. Just ask the kids who live here.

Adding a Topic Near and Dear to Me

Hello Online World!

Isn't this new hair A-Mazing!

It's been awhile, but that's because life got hard. We are financially struggling because of mistakes the military has made with my husband's pay. No money means Mommy has to figure out how to make and save money all at the same time. Stresses, I tell you! We are expecting baby number 6. Combine that with the first stress and we are just being forced to trust God with everything in our lives right now. What else? I have to declare my intent to homeschool in February for my oldest son. I don't know why that's stressful, but it is. 

My kids are all excellent. Learning to read and write in their own time, but being pushed ever so slightly by Mommy. They are learning about money and the tough parts of growing up poor (no money for playing hockey this year, which is fine since the association is run by a bunch a rich shit for brains who only care about their kids and completely neglect the youngest kids...no, I'm not bitter). We are busy planning a major garden this summer, debating chickens, and painting the walls so they are a more neutral color. My kids are enjoying life as kids and learning a lot about life every day.

Now, this new topic. Well, one Jes Baker over at The Militant Baker has been inspiring me for some time. You see, she's all about body love and acceptance. It's infectious really. I heard all my life about getting fat or being fat. It was all bad and negative. From early in my parenting journey, I decided I would never frame any body type as bad or ugly. It's been difficult as my husband has the mindset of "fat is bad". The kids hear it every now and then, but overall, my kids are very accepting of everyone they encounter, no matter how they look. One of my daughters told me when she grows up, she wants to be fat because that's how mommy's are. Melts my heart! I present myself as perfect the way I am. I talk positively about my body, my husband's body, my kids' bodies, and other people's bodies. I give every person value beyond their bodies of course as we are more than a body, but our body imagine impacts how we interact with the world. 

Body Love...it's coming. It's important. It's life changing. It's world changing. I want to share my journey and experiences with you. See, I have a history and some people in my family who tell me every time I turn around that I am simply not good enough. However, a few months ago, I decided I can love them and have them in my life even if they don't see just how fabulous I am. I am 200 pounds of baby carrying, baby birthing awesomeness who is the way I am because of my fabulous fertility. I am squishy and warm when my kids need comfort and love. I am strong and sturdy when my kids need safety and strength. I am always there when my kids need their Mama and that's the most important thing to me. They ask if I'll get skinny again, but when I explain that I probably won't, they tell me that's okay. Some people are fat and some people are skinny. But, they always tell me I'm beautiful (something their Daddy has done super right!). I am FAT! That's okay. If you don't like it, don't look. I know others look because I hear them talking as I walk past in my A-line skirts that hugs my beautiful booty. It's okay even if they don't look. My husband notices. He likes it. 

Where Have I Been>

In short, I've been raising 5 kids, homeschooling the oldest 3, spending time with my husband, and trying to clean in my spare time. I've been busy. Where have you been? What have you been up to?

Having 5 children has been such a blessing and a challenge. It's not harder than having 4, but it presents new challenges because the older kids are entering different stages and need different attention. We have adjusted and are getting back to normal. They youngest of the group is almost 10 months old now. He's growing like crazy and changing all the time. He still loves to cuddle and nurse, but has learned how to scale the staircases, crawl around everywhere, pull up on everything, and how to communicate with all those around him. Ziva continues to grow and learn and change. She's 2 now and shows her personality fully. She's sassy and fun loving. She loves trucks and rough housing but also enjoys painted nails and hair clips. Keely is almost 4. She recently got her ears pierced and is so in love with them. She is my girly girl. Skirts, nail polish, earrings...those are all up her ally. Asher is 5 and is our sports guy. Running, jumping, throwing, kicking...it's all for Asher. His real loves are hockey and soccer. Zach is a sensitive heart who wants to be understood and loved. He likes art and drawing. He does enjoy sports, but not like Asher. He's really interested in music right now, so I'm looking for a piano teacher who takes young students. 

Homeschooling is a challenge. It's 90 degrees here by 10am and I have no motivation to do anything! It's horrible. The kids do their lessons but I'm not sure they are remembering it like they should be. I haven't every taught kids before so I don't really know. I guess only time will tell. 

I mainly am just busy living life. I would love to write more, but by the time the day is done, I have no time or energy to write. Honestly, I don't really care to write either. I'm tired and ready to crash by the time everything is done. To me, that means I live a full, abundant life, just what God wants me to do. I am blessed.

"Mommy, what are those marks on your tummy?"

Keeping it real

My sweet five year old was kissing his newest sibling good night and asked me question I've been waiting for, "Mommy, what are those marks on your tummy?"
"Those are from having so many babies. Mommy loves those marks. I love having all of you guys!"
"Those are from having so many kids?"
"Yes, Zach. They are Mommies reminders of you guys. They are special."

Battle scars. Those "marks" are battle scars. My husband once told me that as he has "grown up" in fatherhood and husband-hood, he has come to see the changes motherhood has caused to me as sacrifice. I have stretch marks everywhere. They won't fade enough for me, but that doesn't matter. They are reminders of how blessed I have been. If my husband doesn't find them gross and ugly, why should I worry.

Diabetic Mother With "Many" Children

I am a diabetic. I have been since I was 9 year old. That's 18 years. It has been a very hard thing, but I think it can also be viewed as a blessing. I struggle everyday, but the Lord is good and has blessings in this struggle, I'm sure.

I am a mother. I have been for nearly 6 years now. I have had 5 children. My first birth had to be planned to ensure the pediatric hospital that was attached to hospital I was delivering at would have the needed staff on hand. That meant a cardiologist, pediatric cardio-thorasic surgeon, and a number of other staff. I was induced and hated it. I was exhausted and threw up the entire labor and delivery process. My next three were all c-sections because #2 was breech and 11 pounds, #3 was 12 pounds, and #4 was 11 pounds again. My 5th baby was a c-section due to head size (45.2 weeks at time of delivery). :)

I recently had an online conversation with another diabetic I've been friends with for years. She has one daughter and wants to start trying for another one. Her doctors told her they would not give their blessing until her A1C is 7 or below. I had three babies with A1C numbers of 9 or over, thanks to doctors fighting for control of my diabetes. I gave her my advice and blessing, pledging my undying support for her no matter what she decided. She lacks all support except from her husband. Heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking. 

That conversation brought to my attention how blessed I truly am. I told the doctors to, basically, go screw themselves and had babies as God has seen fit. He has been so good to me and blessed me with my children. I would consider my children blessings even with birth defects. That fact alone is a gift from God. He allowed me to get diabetes, which I hate, but He has blessed me even with this disease. He took my heart and changed it to trust Him with our family size and fertility. In that step of faith, He met me and my husband and has blessed us, just because He's so good.

We are all at different places in our faith. Not everyone is at a place to trust the Lord with their family size. Not everyone is at a place to stop going to the doctor or to give up medicine (like me, I am not at the place right now and I may never be). The beautiful thing about God is that He meets us where we are. Right now, our family doesn't regularly attend church, but the Lord is always in our hearts, on our lips, and in our lives. Prayer and worship are in our daily life. The Lord understands our situation and blesses us where we are. He meets us where we are. 

My friend, I know you are not at a place to simply let go and trust God, but I pray that He will bless you as you seek Him more and trust His will, even in small ways. Small ways build up to big ways. Trusting God with one pregnancy and one babies's life has lead us to trust Him with our family size and  to five amazing babies! I pray for you daily and my heartbreaks that you are so alone in this moment. From 1200 miles away, let me hug you and love you when you need support. I only have my husband's support as well. It is tough, but you can do it. Have faith, and if you cannot, I will have faith for you. I'm praying for you!

The New Normal

I have five children now. Life is the same as it was before my fifth baby's birth. The only real difference is that I have a baby strapped to me most of the day and I am co-sleeping again and nursing all the time. I nursed Ziva (21 months old) until she was 19 months old, so I nursed almost all of my pregnancy so nursing hasn't really changed. 

Rhett -  2 Days Old

The new normal is better than I could have ever imagined. My baby nurses like a champ, sleeps like a champ as well, and is well loved by all his family. His siblings fight over who gets to hold him and who gets to watch him while Mama runs to the restroom. I sit, watching my kids, all five,  and am completely blown away by God's grace and mercy. He has blessed me more than anyone in my life ever imagine and certainly more than I could have hoped. 

Ziva, the little Mama in our house

We haven't gotten back to homeschooling yet because we've had Grandma and Gran here back to back and nothing gets done when we have family visiting. It's okay. I'm not going to waste their time with family pushing reading and math because I'm told it's more important. We see them for a short time each year. We'll just push school into the summer. 

My cooking has...suffered. We are eating a lot of processed stuff mainly because I've gotten some sweet deals on it and I need the ease of it. Slowly but surely I am getting back to our natural, unprocessed way of life. The real kickoff for that is Thanksgiving. Nothing processed will be at our meal. I cannot wait! We have Gran visiting us (my mother-in-law) and there is a huge surprise in store as well! I am so excited! I hope to have my camera out so I can share photos with you when the surprise is revealed. Did I say I'm so excited?

Daddy playing ball with the boys while Mommy heals

My husband's career has also finally seen progress. He reports to his new unit soon and will finally know what's going on with potential deployments, promotion potential, and reenlistment. After 2 years of training and 3 years of waiting, we are seeing progress! I am praising the Lord for every great thing He has blessed us with. It doesn't seem like much to people in our lives, but it's important to us.

As far as post baby life for me, it's been great. I healed fast. I feel great. I felt great about a week after. I've pushed myself faster, further, and harder after this c-section. At the same time, if I hurt, I stopped. It's been so nice and such a blessing.

Our new normal is great. It's blessed by the Lord and I haven't been this content or happy with life ever.  My husband is seeing success at work, which is a blessing for everyone. The kids are being kids and are blessing me at every turn, even in their anger, exhaustion, and fighting. God is so good to me!

Rhett Laze's Birth Story

Rhett Laze - Two Days Old

My fifth child, my third son, was born on October 24, 2013. Why has it taken so long to write a birth story? Well, I haven't been overwhelmed by having a fifth really. I've been overwhelmed by people visiting!  It has been such a gift but has made blogging rather difficult. I think blogging can take a back seat for now.

So here is the birth story I wrote when he was two weeks old that has just been waiting to get posted:

On October 24, 2013, our family welcomed our youngest sweet one into the world. His name is Rhett and he was born at 11:44pm via c-section. His birth was not how I had hoped it would be or planned, but God has blessed us and I am overjoyed to have him in our lives. He is a gift from God and so was his birth. This is not a story about a natural birth or the VBA3C I had been praying for, and I do feel a bit defeated in that. Defeated is a strong enough word...I feel like I failed and made the wrong choice. Even though I have such strong feeling of second guessing my choice, it is a beautiful story nonetheless. 

On Friday, October 18, my contractions began coming regularly every 10 minutes, but they were still nothing I noticed. I had a doctors appointment and non stress test on Tuesday (the 15), and was checked for dilation and found no progress (3cm and 75% effaced). I was a bit disappointed, but at least that gave us a point to know when "change" happened. I set my deadline for a VBA3C for Saturday (October 19). Well, unfortunately for me, Saturday came and went. I pushed it till Sunday and then that flew by as well. It was so difficult to see those deadlines come and go. I was saddened and frustrated. I began my struggle to find peace. 

The morning of October 23, my contractions picked up in intensity. I could no long ignore them, but I could easily work through them, making dinner, doing bed time with my four children, hanging out with my husband, and cleaning. They were still ten minutes apart, nothing new. October 24, I had a non stress test again that morning and they registered very strongly on the monitor, but since they weren't new and baby was doing well through them, I was sent home.  I sent my husband a text saying it was his turn to try inducing labor…and we all know what that means. ;-)  We were on a time table, he was leaving for training in a few days and wanted to witness this little one's birth. He's missed two out of the first four, he didn't want to miss the fifth. So, we tried our natural induction when I got home from the doctor and I wound up with bloody show later, but nothing I was concerned about. Nothing that screamed "Lady! You're in labor!"

My contractions continued, I timed them for an hour, 5 minutes apart, but then I stopped because I got busy with dinner and playing with the kids. They would get closer together then get further apart all the time, I wasn't in labor. Well, when dinner and dinner clean up was done, I sat down and found that they were still 5 minutes apart. Decision time, my husband had to work in the morning, do we go in early enough so if it's a false alarm we can still make it home for a few hours of sleep or do I wait until the morning to see if I'm in labor. I wasn't convinced, but my husband was anxious to get this baby here. At 6:30pm, I was convinced, we sent grandma to the store while we got ready. 7pm, we were out the door and ready to have a baby…well, he was hopeful, I was less than convinced. On the way we chatted, we laughed, we were becoming very convinced that this was not labor. It wasn't painful at all, in fact, I didn't even notice more the contractions. I almost had him turn around, but we had committed to going and getting check. We got to the hospital, parked in the parking ramp and waddled my butt up to L&D just before 9pm. I checked in but there were so many women in the rooms there, I had to wait to be triaged for 20 minutes or so. No big deal, not labor. I had to use the rest room at this point, which confirmed I was still bleeding, but it looked like cervical change bleeding, nothing impressive. The doctor came in, decided to check me, convinced no baby would come tonight. Ok, we'd still get 4-5 hours of sleep before my husband had to leave for work. (The fact that he had to be to work at 4am was the reason we went in when we did. If we hadn't, I would have waited until my water broke, probably some time the next day) He started getting ready to go home. I did too.

She checked me. "Hmmm," she said. "What does that mean?" I asked, my husband's face lit up. "Well, we're going to get you an IV and we're going to have a baby soon." My husband's face was so excited. He sent text messages to everyone, especially the superiors at work so they knew he wouldn't be there since we thought we'd be waiting until 2am to have this sweet baby. I was 4cm, completely effaced, and my water was ready to break. He was coming soon one way or the other. I was kind of sad to be in the hospital at this point, but I had made my choice on going in to get checked and had the support from my family to be there. I do think that part of me will always question whether I should have waited and labored at home and fought for a VBA3C, but I cannot live questioning it. It takes away from my joy and I will not let that happen! If we had waited, I have no doubts we might have had a baby at home or an emergency situation. I'm glad I don't have to worry about which one it might have been. 

Well, things went fast from that point. The entire staff was in shock that I lacked any pain with the contractions. They kept telling me as soon as the spinal block got done I wouldn't feel them. People, if that's all my contractions were like until I was seriously into labor or my water broke, I could handle that with ease. Anyway, I labored in a bed for a couple hours until they had an OR open and staff ready. I went back and waited some more for this anesthesiologist resident to do my spinal. I've had four spinals and an epidural done…this was the longest and worst experience I've ever had. It hurt ten times worse than any contractions and he didn't even do a very good job. I ended up needing more medication twice through my IV just to not feel the pain of the surgery! 11:20pm, I was finally on my back on the table, my husband was brought in and they started. Ok, My husband was standing watching them do it. No big deal for him but I kind of wanted a little encouragement as this was the worse c-section ever…ok, not ever, but it was hard. There was a lot more pushing to get him out than with the other kids. I asked him a few times to focus on me. I couldn't breathe as they pushed. He had to focus on coaching me through the breaths. He did great. 11:44pm, he was out and I needed more pain meds. I got to see him for two seconds after they cleaned him up. 10 pounds 14 ounces. 21.5 inches long. Blood sugar of 55. The low range of high so they took him to the NICU and treated him with both and IV and bottles after I told them one or the other. Since I couldn't have that fight in the NICU, I let it go and prayed. God watched over him and blessed us with an easy transition to breastfeeding after the bottles. Another answered prayer!

He spent 2 days in the NICU, but hasn't looked back since. He's lost a pound, but that's what happens when mom is pumped full of fluids before birth. He nurses like a champ, sleeps like a sweet baby should, and has such a pleasant demeanor. The kids all love him and that is a great plus. No jealousy. No rivalry. No issues so far. I'm praying we are blessed with an easy transition. 

Since my sweet Rhett was born, I've struggled with my choice of delivery. I do wish I had labored at home, I do wish I'd push for a VBA3C. I regret my choice to go in when I did and let the staff kind of bully me into a c-section, but I will continue to fight for peace in my choice and I WILL ALWAYS love my sweet baby and his birth story. I am blessed by his arrival and cannot imagine my life without him or any of his siblings.

What's Important

Today was a great day, until Mommy got overwhelmed.

We spent the morning with friends and the folks that are leading Backyard Bible Club.

We took naps, which one of the kidlets didn't listen so he's tired.

Then we went to the store. Everything fell apart.

Some things happened at home that had nothing to do with the kids...those things set me off.

After our completely healthy dinner of cookies and corn dogs, Mommy swept the floors and read a book to Zach. Why? Because this lady needed an attitude adjustment. Reading a store is far more important than sweeping my kitchen anyway.

Three of what really matters

I won't go into details, but I really am tired of being the only homemakers here. I'm tired of cooking and cleaning. I'm tired of planning everything and not having help. Parenting and caring for my kids isn't always easy, but I always feel fulfilled.


So, tonight, I will focus on being the best Mommy I can be. Zachary thanked my tonight for dinner. That meant the world to me since no one, and I mean no one, thanks me for feeding them unless we're hosting a meal for friends. Zachary, you are so welcome sweet boy. Thank you for eating corn dogs and cookies with your Mommy. I really enjoyed sharing in songs with you.