Diabetic Mother With "Many" Children

I am a diabetic. I have been since I was 9 year old. That's 18 years. It has been a very hard thing, but I think it can also be viewed as a blessing. I struggle everyday, but the Lord is good and has blessings in this struggle, I'm sure.

I am a mother. I have been for nearly 6 years now. I have had 5 children. My first birth had to be planned to ensure the pediatric hospital that was attached to hospital I was delivering at would have the needed staff on hand. That meant a cardiologist, pediatric cardio-thorasic surgeon, and a number of other staff. I was induced and hated it. I was exhausted and threw up the entire labor and delivery process. My next three were all c-sections because #2 was breech and 11 pounds, #3 was 12 pounds, and #4 was 11 pounds again. My 5th baby was a c-section due to head size (45.2 weeks at time of delivery). :)

I recently had an online conversation with another diabetic I've been friends with for years. She has one daughter and wants to start trying for another one. Her doctors told her they would not give their blessing until her A1C is 7 or below. I had three babies with A1C numbers of 9 or over, thanks to doctors fighting for control of my diabetes. I gave her my advice and blessing, pledging my undying support for her no matter what she decided. She lacks all support except from her husband. Heartbreaking...absolutely heartbreaking. 

That conversation brought to my attention how blessed I truly am. I told the doctors to, basically, go screw themselves and had babies as God has seen fit. He has been so good to me and blessed me with my children. I would consider my children blessings even with birth defects. That fact alone is a gift from God. He allowed me to get diabetes, which I hate, but He has blessed me even with this disease. He took my heart and changed it to trust Him with our family size and fertility. In that step of faith, He met me and my husband and has blessed us, just because He's so good.

We are all at different places in our faith. Not everyone is at a place to trust the Lord with their family size. Not everyone is at a place to stop going to the doctor or to give up medicine (like me, I am not at the place right now and I may never be). The beautiful thing about God is that He meets us where we are. Right now, our family doesn't regularly attend church, but the Lord is always in our hearts, on our lips, and in our lives. Prayer and worship are in our daily life. The Lord understands our situation and blesses us where we are. He meets us where we are. 

My friend, I know you are not at a place to simply let go and trust God, but I pray that He will bless you as you seek Him more and trust His will, even in small ways. Small ways build up to big ways. Trusting God with one pregnancy and one babies's life has lead us to trust Him with our family size and  to five amazing babies! I pray for you daily and my heartbreaks that you are so alone in this moment. From 1200 miles away, let me hug you and love you when you need support. I only have my husband's support as well. It is tough, but you can do it. Have faith, and if you cannot, I will have faith for you. I'm praying for you!

Birth Plans: VBA3C?

I have four children so far. Three of them have come into this world via c-section. With my last baby, I didn't know I had the option to VBA2C. If I had, I might have tried, even though she was 11 pounds. :)  This time around, I am really praying about a VBA3C. It's something I have desired for years but have been unable due to medical teams who push for repeat c-sections and large or breech babies. If this little one isn't "huge", then I'll try laboring and if all goes "normally" I hope to deliver vaginally.

As I am seen at a University hospital, they don't have a written policy on VBACs. They encourage it if a woman has had one c-section. They start to question after two. My case, a diabetic with a history of large babies and three c-sections, they start to sweat. I asked my doctor about it on Tuesday when I was seen for a fetal-echo. He started sweating trying to tell me he was completely against it but that he can't force me to have a repeat c-section. The medical student with him was in awe that I would even ask.

Right now, we are in a wait and see mode. I'm prayerfully considering what might be in God's plans for us. I want a natural, vaginal deliver so badly. At the same time, I am not opposed to another c-section. I explained it to my husband this way, as a woman, I feel this longing to have a natural deliver. At the same time, whatever gets baby out healthfully and keeps me around to care for my family, I'm ok with. I don't need to have one kind of delivery. I have several children that need me, a husband who wants me around, and I'm not afraid of surgery (if I were, I wouldn't be pregnant again as I didn't know VBA3C was an option until researching).

As I continue my research on the topic, I will hopefully have enough energy and sanity to keep up with blogging so I can share the information I find with all of you. It is so hard to find good information and facts on VBA3+C or even VBA2+C. It even harder to find stats when you throw in diabetes. Much of what I hope to share will be for "regular", non-diabetic moms because it is so hard to find facts and numbers.

If you wouldn't mind, please pray for me and our family as we make preparations for this little ones arrival. I'm not due until November 8, but I am praying for peace and wisdom and am asking everyone to do the same. God is in control. I just need to trust that this baby will come as He sees fit, not me. :)

A Long, Fulfilling Day

Yesterday the kids and I woke up at 7am. Not early but not late either. Well, that's not true. It was late. I needed to get everyone dressed and fed by 7:25 so we could be in the car by 7:30am. I did it, but they ate in the car. Mommy didn't have time for anything carb free, so Mommy didn't eat.

We went to my endocrinology appointment, which is about an hour away (that's why the 7:30 deadline was set). No real update here. My numbers are good, highs here and there along with lows, but my A1C was 6.4, so I'm happy. We discussed my diet a little bit since I have been having cravings for fruit (bananas especially). One a day, half in the morning and half for an afternoon snack was the agreement.  I was so thankful that she didn't change my meds. I fight cravings daily, but I know I can say no. Am I strong enough is the question. My pump settings are correct. My food consumption is wrong. I'm working on that.

Back to the day! I told the kids (yes all four came with) if they were good and listened at my appointment, that we could go to Backyard Bible Clubs at their friends house afterward. So, we flew to get on post in time. We were a few minutes late, but it didn't matter. Everyone had a blast! At first the boys were not having it, but when story time came around and I made them sit with me, they got into it. Talking about Jesus just made them happy and excited. I'm so proud!

After that, Speech. Zach is in Speech therapy for some process issues, but he's come so far! Many people still have difficulty understanding him when he's excited, but he is doing much better than two years ago, or even a year ago. Everyone appreciates that help we receive at therapy. Anyway, speech was chaos. Everyone was tired, it was 1:00pm and past nap time. We managed to stay awake on the way home and take naps once home.

Pest guy came at 4:00pm. Everyone woke up at 5:00pm. Pool right after waking up. Dinner...well, that didn't happen until after pool and showers. The pool pumps failed yesterday so it smelled like a lake. Showers were needed. We didn't eat until 8:00pm. That's okay. Bedtime wasn't until 10:00pm last night, but I was totally okay with that. Daddy didn't feel well so he went to bed shortly after dinner, but we played with blocks and read several stories before climbing in bed to look at our own books independently.

It was a packed, but blessed day! We are going back to Backyard Bible Clubs again today, despite the lack of fuel funds. God will provide if it's important.

Learning to Eat to Live, Not Live to Eat

As a diabetic, people assume I eat well. Well meaning healthfully. Hello...people? I do not eat well. I eat more than I should, consume more carbs than I should, and I do it more often than I'd like to admit. In other words, I love food and have to work hard to not make my life about eating. I could go into the family history of a love affair with food, but I'll spare you my excuses. Excuses are just reasons you have found to be lazy or to blame someone else for your inability to change...at least for me they are.

This cake is why I don't make their cakes from scratch any more.
I ate half...by myself. Such a bad diabetic, but it was so good.

This week I'm focusing on those cues that tell you when you're actually hungry. Funny, huh? With all the food in the States, who thinks about actually being hungry? Do you remember what that feels like?Yeah, I do when I'm pregnant. It's called morning sickness. However, other than that, I haven't really felt real hunger pains in a long time. There's always something to eat or snack on. No more!

We already eat as much unprocessed, whole foods as we can afford. This month, our food budget was $200. That's for 6 people. Some how, we've not only done it but we've done it well. In addition to trying to keep food low cost and unprocessed, I have to try to keep everything low carb. That's easy, right? Just buy meats and veggies. Have you ever lived on just meat and vegetables for a long period of time? And I mean, no pasta or bread. No starchy "veggies" like corn, peas, or potatoes. It gets boring and expensive.

What am I hoping to learn this week, after I splurged on some homemade granola? I want to eat because I need to, not simply because I want something. So, I'll cook what I normally do for everyone else. I will just be cooking an addition portion of meat for me (or other protein source). It will be hard and I'll have cravings, but in those moments, perhaps I need to pray. I'll write and photograph through this week so you can see what progress I have or haven't been making.