On Having More Than One (or Two) Children

When I'm out and about with all four, or even three, of the kids, a lot of people comment on having my hands full or that I never have a dull moment. I mean A LOT of people, nearly everyone who sees us. I normally smile and say "yes, thank you." I take a sense of pride in having my brood running around my cart and my ability to stay cool (God is so good at teaching us patience. Can I get an Amen?).

Friends and acquaintances also ask how I do it with four kids when they struggle with one or two often. One of my dear friend has two and says that they have agreed to have as many children as the Lord will bless them with. She does admit that she's not sure how she will handle it, which I think is amazing. She and I both know that large families aren't for everyone, but I know it is for us and they know that God will bless them as much as He sees fit.

Here's what I think, and I know you've heard part of this before. First and foremost, parents of two wanting more, transitioning from one to two children is more difficult than transitioning to larger numbers. After our second baby, I realized, even though our oldest was high demand due to medical problems, that it was so easy having one...in hindsight. While you are in the trenches, it's tough and I will never deny that. I just want all parents to see hope and joy in their situation. You'll look back on having one child and wonder why you thought it was so difficult. I did for about 18 months, until number three was born. Now, I look back and look at our present circumstances, and I see how silly I was and how "easy" it is even with four.

Second, for most people, after a certain number of children, you don't see having more children as more of a real challenge. That number for us was three...with our third and fourth time, we became parents who were thinking, why not have more? What's another children? A HUGE blessing, that's what! You see, once you organize and focus on loving your children, you realize that it's not a scary burden. The Lord will not give you more than HE can handle, and He will help you handle it too!

A battle we don't pick, playing in the rain versus staying clean and dry.
Rain wins hands down.

Third, it doesn't have to be a battle between you and your kids. We are to be teaching our children how to live according to the Lord's will and blessing. Let me tell you all a secret...my kids and I fight, a lot. We are a loud family, so the fights get louder. My sons are great noise makers and they are great yellers. Let me tell you, when they are angry they let you know. I am hopeful though, that we will all learn to control our anger and frustration and use our big boy (and girl) words and voices to express ourselves. Instead of battling, teach your kids how to express themselves in ways that don't make it a battle. Also, pick your battles. My kids get away with a lot when I'm sick because, let's face it, I'm lucky if I can change the girls' diapers before losing my lunch. Sometimes, the boys duke it out on the floor in front of me until I think it's getting out of control or unsafe. No one ever gets hurt, but I want them to figure things out on their own, especially when I'm glued to the toilet. Guess what, your child saying no, while disrespectful, doesn't have to be a battle. My kids express their opinion all the time. They are told that we are so glad they feel they can tell us how they feel, but they will do what they are told. A fight some time follows, if it does, a break in their room is needed to think about if they really want to fight with Mommy or Daddy. After a few minutes, a more thoughtful little boy comes down and does as he's told (or he fall asleep in his room and an hour later the thoughtful and rested boy comes down). Life is already full of battles. Don't make your home a constant battlefield for the ones who should feel safest there.

Motherhood is Messy...but it's worth waiting to clean some messes...it's worth
it...every...single...time

Fourth, you probably won't have a clean house when you have more children...and guess what...that's fine! For years, I struggled with the pressure of maintaining a clean house. As the number of our children increased, so did my stress and struggle. I happened to find a blog somewhere along the way, in the past year, and found that what the woman wrote was so freeing. She was a mother of a large family who really knows what's important. Summarizing, when you have a large family, you will have a messy house. That doesn't mean it's filthy, just that it's not spotless. Ready for my confessions? I don't mop my floor but maybe once every 3 or 4 days, except the dining room. That happens every night after dinner because our sweet baby girl throws food on it. I don't sweep under my sofa ever day and I only sweep once a day. Our toy room gets picked up every other day (if I'm lucky), the laundry some times just has to wait. Why does all this stuff wait? Well, because I love my kids and understand that love doesn't need a clean house. About 9 months ago, I told my husband that he had to accept that this house wasn't ever going to be clean. I wanted happy kids, not a clean house (truth be told, I'd love a clean house too, but that's not as important as my kids). As the kids get older, I definitely will expect my house to get cleaner as we teach them responsibility. They will clean and tidy and do their part, but as they are still to young to do many things, that house is a mess and thats just fine...as long as when you come over you don't mind the mess. Remember, Motherhood is messy. But some messes just have to wait when everyone is headed to the pool, or the couch for story time, or the toy room for Army men wars...it's worth it to make those memories...every...single....time. The mess will be there later to clean up. Those memories may not.

I have so many more points I could highlight, but as it is, I have spent long enough writing and I highlighted the four main things I feel people need to know. Above all else, I hope you will be thankful for the children the Lord blesses you with and that you will treasure the time He gives you to love them!

What are your thoughts on having more than one child? Or more than two? What's a large family in your mind?